


Y'Eros

by Ladyhawk_lhflu



Series: Y'Eros [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Multi, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 09:12:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7568509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyhawk_lhflu/pseuds/Ladyhawk_lhflu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written after the first reboot movie. I made a correction in the Enterprise Series to make this a little more fun (Hey, I like Trip.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Y'Eros

\----------

According to what I've been taught, getting married is supposed to be one of the greatest events in a person's life. To do it properly, you plan as if your life depended on it. You get the clothes, you prepare the vows and the food, you invite the guests. You spend a lot of time on the details so everything is perfect.

Then, if you're unlucky, the person you expected to spend your life with sends all your hopes for the future crashing down.

That's how it happened with me. My spouse and I barely got through the vows before things began to fall apart.

I guess I should have seen it coming. The signs were all over the place. I just didn't understand what I was seeing.

Considering my promiscuous past, it was a bitter irony that I didn't realize what was happening until my husband told me.

Now, most Vulcans would suggest that when Spock approached me after the bonding ceremony, I should have been more understanding. I should have considered what he said. To them, his conclusion was unusual, but nothing to get bent out of shape about.

But I'm Human. When presented with the words he said to me, humans don't think rationally. So, true to my upbringing, I flung the same curses as those I would have used if he had told me he was joining the Romulan Empire.

What did he say that was so upsetting?

He told me that I wasn't enough for him. Or that's what it sounded like when he said, "Jim, the bond is incomplete. We are in need of a third party to give it stability."

Now, you have to understand, I didn't consider myself the marrying kind to begin with. It took a lot for me to have that conversation about commitment with my Vulcan. I almost didn't do it because I had myself convinced that he could find someone so much better than me.

So you can imagine my shock and dismay when he told me *that* after I had gathered my courage and married him. As far as I was concerned, I chose to be with Spock and Spock chose to be with me. Where did this 'third party' fit into the equation?

On second thought, I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

What I wanted was to choke the life out of him for his betrayal. But I couldn't. He was my first officer, and despite his proclamation, he was still my husband. So instead of killing him, I stormed out of Sarek's house and spent my wedding night on the couch in Scotty's room at the Terran Embassy.

But Spock chased after me. Of course, he gave me the night to cool off first. He knows how I am. He's just like me, in a Vulcan sort of way. When I'm angry, I usually mouth off. He usually gets stone faced and overly logical. When those things don't work, we both use our fists.

Now, as Spock confronted me in front of his father's house, I realized I knew who that 'third party' was. There was nobody else it could be. Spock had been staring at him the whole time I was accepting congratulations from our friends.

He was the last man I would have expected Spock to choose as my competition.

Spock's so-called enemy. My best friend. The crankiest doctor in three quardrants. Leonard Horatio McCoy.

It had to be some kind of cosmic joke. There was no other explanation for why Spock was suddenly attracted to his adversary.

Now, I had a lot of respect for Bones. The four years I had been friends with him had been the best years of my life. For once, I could be myself. For once, I didn't have hide my smarts.

At the Academy, my stepfather Frank wasn't lurking in the background telling me how dumb I was. When I forgot that fact, my best friend was there to remind me. Bones chewed me out everytime I tried to 'play stupid'.

Finally, I was in charge of my own life. More importantly, I had someone to help me when I got into trouble. During our years at the Academy, that was practically every day.

Then came the Enterprise.

The best thing the man ever did for me was to help put me in charge of 430 other lives.

To take care of them, I had to take care of myself.

Bones knew that. Spock realized that very quickly. I didn't figure it out until Spock got hurt because I wasn't a hundred percent.

That was the day I realized how important my first officer was to me. And Bones was there to see it happen.

I should have been paying better attention to what was going on. But I was so damned tired.

We were exploring a planet out towards Deneva. We had all scattered in pairs to cover as much terrain as possible. So when Bones asked Spock to collect samples of a plant with rare medicinal properties, my first officer, in turn, asked me to keep watch for the poisonous, scorpion-like insects that used the plants as food.

But I hadn't gotten enough sleep during the week before to watch out for a two ton meteorite. Admiral Archer was due to tour the ship when we reached Starbase 7, and I wanted everything to be worthy of his approval. So I had come down on the crew hard. Strangely enough, they understood. Probably because I came down on myself even harder.

I had spent the night before in the main rec room finishing my mission reports from the past two weeks. I didn't leave until it was time for alpha shift, and then I headed straight for the bridge.

So I must have dozed off while I was watching Spock, because one minute he was examining his plants and the next minute he was lying on the ground, bleeding from a puncture wound.

That woke me up in a snap. After getting over my shock, I scrambled to his side and yelled a panicked order to my CMO into my communicator.

Minutes later, my best friend was leaning over my first officer with a hypo and a skin regenerator. Two minutes after that, I was being propped up against a tree and chewed out.

"What the hell happened, Jim?! That thing could have killed him!" Bones growled.

"I--I..." I floundered for words as I stared at Spock, who was just regaining consciousness. He still had the skin bruising that the poison produced in humanoid species. It made him look odd, though, because Vulcan bruising is yellow rather than the bluish-black color I'm used to. To me, he looked sick. Really sick.

Suddenly, I got very dizzy.

"Whoa, calm down." Bones grabbed me as I started to slide down the tree.

"I could have...I fell asleep." I sat down heavily and put my head in my hands.

"You were lucky, then," my friend said unsympathetically as he went back to his patient. "If you had slept a little longer, we would have lost him."

"I was at fault as well," Spock said quietly as he sat up and looked at me worriedly. "I knew the captain was not getting enough rest and did not say anything."

"He can take care of himself," Bones snapped. I swear he only argued with Spock so he could get the last word in. His hands were gentle as his words were hard as he eased the Vulcan against a rock.

But Spock didn't let the doctor's mixed signals stop him from continuing the argument. "He is still an inexperienced captain. It is my job to make sure he adjusts to his command adequately. I have failed in this."

"No you haven't. Bones is right," I sighed. "I'm not a kid. I should have figured this one out for myself."

Luckily, my friends understood that I'd punish myself more severely than they ever could. So, with a squeeze to my shoulder, Bones left me to contemplate my crime.

I almost killed Spock. After the nights of chess games, comparing childhoods, and just generally shooting the breeze, I had come to look on Spock as a pretty good guy. Then when you add to it the rescues, the obvious concern in his normally-cold face, and the offers to help even when he didn't have to, I would have been a fool to consider him less than a very good friend. He was less obtrusive than Bones, but he was always there to support me or correct me as needed. And after that first awful mission, he never threw my past in my face again.

He had become almost as important to me as Bones. And I nearly killed him.

I was a fucking idiot.

Of course, I never went on an away mission in that state again.

But now, as I watched my bondmate try to explain how important Bones was to us, I wondered if I was as incompetent in my love life as I had been in keeping myself in top shape.

How could I have missed the way Spock looked at Bones?

The only explanation I had was that I thought the look was only for me.

Maybe I should I have been suspicious when Bones pointed out Spock's attraction to me. He saw what I couldn't.

But I was too shocked to worry about why he noticed it.

At least Bones had a proper sense of timing. He waited until were in a bar on Risa to reveal his little secret. If he had done it during a mission, it would have been a disaster. A preoccupied captain is potentially life-threatening.

He must have thought I was a fool when I asked him why Spock, who was staying on the ship, wasn't taking our communications officer to that music museum that she'd been talking about the whole way to Risa.

"He's not dating Uhura anymore, Jim. They broke up a couple weeks ago." My best friend took a sip of his whiskey...

As I nearly choked on my beer. "You're kidding me. I thought those two were destined to have a passel of pointy eared little geniuses who could sing well."

Bones snorted. "As intriguing as that sounds, it's not going to happen. Uhura told me the bad news the other day."

"She told her doctor but not her captain?" I whined, giving my friend a mock-wounded look.

"I think she told me so she wouldn't have to deal with you." Bones shook his head at my antics. "And because she was worried about him. They broke up because Spock said he was interested in someone else. But he's being rather secretive about this person's identity. She's worried they rejected him because, as she puts it, 'he's not himself'."

I was glad to hear that our 'power couple' parted as friends. It was a relief to know that I wouldn't have to worry about domestic wars on the bridge. But if Spock was so off-kilter, why hadn't I noticed?

I supposed it was because I was still learning to decipher those tiny expressions of his. I'd have to pay more attention to see if I could find the one that had Uhura so worried. In the meantime, I figured I'd give Bones my theory on Spock's new interest. "Well, our first officer has rather specific tastes. I bet it's Nancy Kranz, our new cartographer. She's pretty, smart, and obsessed with the rule book."

"Not even close." Bones tilted his head back to gulp the rest of his whiskey. "I've been watching him. It took awhile, but I've figured out who it is. I've caught him staring at this person with the same expression he has when he's offered a bowl of plomeek soup."

Plomeek, the main ingredient in the soup that Vulcans had considered a staple of their diet, had become a rarity since their planet's destruction. Their leaders did gather few of the plants from established Vulcan colonies in an attempt to cultivate them on New Vulcan. But so far, none of the plants have been able to grow there.

All of us knew that Spock, in consideration of his brethren who were without the vegetable, had been denying himself the luxury of having a bowl when we stopped at Vulcan embassies, even though he loved the stuff. But he couldn't stop the look of longing on his face when it was offered to him.

So if Spock was staring at someone with that type of hunger, he had it bad. "Who is the lucky person? Tell me so I know when to look the other way when he kisses them in the transporter room."

"You won't have to, Jim." Bones paused to catch my eye. "It's you."

I never passed out from shock in my life. Luckily, I didn't embarrass myself by doing it then, either. But that was only because Bones had the foresight to kick me in the shin when my eyes started to roll back in my head.

After that revelation, I started paying a lot more attention to my first officer. I wanted to see his interest for myself. My mind kept telling me that Bones had to be wrong.

It took me weeks before I actually caught the look. Spock had made sure to hide it when I was facing him until the day that I caught him off guard.  
  
And when I saw it directed at me, I knew my life was about to change. For the better.

Until it took a turn for the worse...

The memory of Bones' words haunted me as I stood outside Sarek's house and glared at my bondmate.

"If it's all about McCoy, how could you look at me like...like I was plomeek soup?!" I yelled.

"It is not 'all about McCoy'," Spock retorted. "I simply require both of you to complete the bond."

"I thought you loved me, you bastard! If this is your idea of love, I was better off sleeping around!" I stomped over to a tree and grabbed a branch tightly to keep my hand from curling into a fist. Because if it did, that fist would head for his face.

Spock had the good sense to keep his distance, but he was obsessed with convincing me he was right. "I do not understand your reticence. You are good friends with the doctor, and have often commented on his attractiveness. Would he not be a good choice to share you with?"

"Share me?! I'll have to share you! That's what all this is about, isn't it? You want us bowing at your feet because you think you're God's gift to humanity!" My hand left the branch and clenched into the tight fist I feared. It took all my effort to keep my arm tightly at my side.

"I do not." Spock took a deep breath and sat on the ground. I had no idea why until my fist automatically loosened. He knew I wouldn't hit a man who was already down.

His eyes were shining when he looked up at me. He couldn't be crying...could he? "It was you who created the third branch of the bond, t'hy'la. But I can see that you were unaware of your action."

"*I* caused this? You've lost all sense of reality if you believe that." I backed away, unexpectedly put out by his statement. Something in his words really nagged at me.

That nagging feeling became worse when he ignored my outburst. "I was certain you created the third branch because you discovered Leonard's feelings toward you.

He paused, but when I just stared at him incredulously, he continued. "I am willing to share you with him because he obviously loves you as much as I do."

\----------  
end part 1  
\----------

I knew then that Spock had lost his mind.

"You're insane!" I barked out as I stared down at him. "I'm not Vulcan. How the hell could *I* have made the bond split into three?" Seeing him lower his head submissively, I forced myself to look away and gather my thoughts before I did something stupid.

But as I tried to calm down, one of those thoughts pushed at me, demanding to be heard. "What makes you think Bones thinks of me that way?"

Spock's eyes were sad when he cautiously raised his head. "You cannot see it."

"See what?!" I circled around my bondmate as his insistence made my anger flare again.

Spock sighed. It was a hopeless sound. "His love for you."

"If Bones loves me, it's as a friend. That's it!" Part of me was curious as to where he got the idea it was something more. But another part, deep inside, was afraid to ask.

Now, although Spock claimed the bond was weak because it was incomplete, it worked pretty damned well. He chose that moment to drop the shield that had been between us while we argued. In the next, I was suddenly bombarded by his emotions. Regret, pain and shame all began to fill my head.

Strangely enough, that started to calm me down. Spock hadn't been ashamed of anything, that I knew of, since the day he nearly killed me. So either he was lying, or he felt guilty for saying something he perceived as the truth because that truth had hurt me.

Contrary to popular myth, Vulcans do lie. But it's not something they do casually.

Since I didn't see any reason for him to deceive me, I decided to go with the second explanation.

"You really believe that?" I asked more quietly, needing to, but not really wanting to confirm my suspicions. I wanted to protect my wounded pride, but I couldn't ignore his anguish.

In my anger, I had hurt him too. I could see it in the way he was hunched over, as if to protect himself from physical blows. Now I felt ashamed.

Spock nodded toward the ground. His words were stilted, as if he was afraid of saying the wrong thing. "I was most content to have you as my one and only bondmate. But then Y'Eros occurred. It was most unexpected. Therefore, I sought the reason for it. That is when I discovered Dr. McCoy's deep affection for you."

"Y'Eros?" I asked, slumping against the tree I had used as a leash for my anger. All that yelling had exhausted me. "What the hell is that?"

"It is the accepted Standard translation of a Vulcan word unpronounceable by humans to indicate the three-way bond." Spock peeked up at me from his crouched position. There was still pain in his eyes, but I could see hope there too.

I sighed and took the last of my anger out on the Earth and Vulcan linguists. "Why the hell does it even have a Standard translation? Isn't it a Vulcan phenomenon?"

My bondmate shook his head. "You are not the first human to encounter a three-way bond in an intimate situation."

"You're kidding." I felt my jaw drop open.

"I am not. It is the relationship between T'Pol, Admiral Tucker and Admiral Archer." He said this quietly, looking in the direction of his father's dwelling. Something seemed to distract him momentarily, but I had his full attention when I started speaking, so I thought nothing of it.

"But T'Pol's not psychic. Everyone knows that."

"Other than the bond, she is not," Spock confirmed a moment later, after he realized I was finally willing to listen to rational explanations. I hd leaned forward to look at him face-to-face. "But it is not unusual for Vulcans who are not psychically strong to still be able to bond."

Not knowing much about Vulcan psy abilities, I accepted his statement as truth. However, the word he had thrown at me still bothered me. "I don't know which linguists made up that word, but even I can tell you it isn't Standard."

Spock inclined his head. "It is Admiral Tucker's doing. 'Y' represents the three bond connections. Eros is the Greek word for romantic love."

"Creative." I said, not sure what I actually thought of the idea. This was supposed to describe the relationship between the three of us? It couldn't. There was just no way.

But by this time, I was calm enough to see the sincerity on Spock's face. He really believed what he said. So I sat forward, showing my willingness to listen.

Of course, that didn't mean I believed what he did.

I shook my head. "But that still doesn't explain why you're blaming me for this. Bones is my best friend, but I've never thought of him that way. Are you sure you didn't create that branch? Maybe you saw him look at us in a way you didn't understand. You could have come to a wrong conclusion about the way he was feeling. It's difficult to understand emotions when you spend your life suppressing them."

Spock sighed as he examined my face. "That may be true, but Vulcans emphasize observational skills as well as emotional control. I have seen the doctor's expressions when the three of us have been alone together. They are of yearning. He wants something he believes he cannot have."

I blinked in surprise. If what he said was true, why hadn't I seen it? I would definitely need to brush up on my own observation skills, as it seemed like I was missing things left and right. But right now, I concentrated on trying to figure out why Spock saw what he did. "When did this start?"

"The day I revealed my inner self to you."

I thought back, finding the day in my memory.

That was the night all three of us reflected on Spock's imperfections. It was the most fun we had in weeks.

We had met with Starfleet Command in San Francisco earlier that day. A week before, we had used some unconventional techniques to keep Klingons from exploiting a Terran colony on Jrain. Command declared our methods reckless.

I didn't feel bad about any of it. Those idiots thought that, just because we nearly lost our home planet, we'd become lax about taking care of those further from home.

What can I say? They were wrong. And we were there to prove it to them.

Strangely enough, it was Spock who came up with the idea that got them off the planet.

I would have never thought that the colonists could chase off those arrogant pricks by offering them the little furballs brought by a merchant who had come to trade with them.

But Spock had seen the Klingons' reactions to the furballs. They cringed and backed away as if they had been attacked.

So we went to talk to the merchant. With a little negotiation, Cyrano Jones was willing to throw in some tribbles for free when the colonists bought up his supply of exotic foods.

The colonists had lost their transport ship during a crash landing when they had arrived, twenty years before. They had also lost most of the seedlings they had brought to plant. Therefore, their diet consisted of only a few staples they had been able to salvage. So their food was rather boring, even to them. Jones took care of that and helped us take care of the Klingon problem in one easy move.

But when we got back home, we quickly found out that our solution did not meet with the approval of the higher-ups.

Apparently, tribbles were banned in most of Federation space. The damned things multiply at about fifty times the rate of rabbits, and they don't even need two of them to do it.

So to keep the colony from being overrun, Starfleet had to send another ship with the tribbles' natural predator to Jrain.

Of course, we were reprimanded for not doing our research before handing the furballs to the colonists. For once, the angry eyes of the admirals were focused on my first officer instead of me.

Now, Spock's usually a stickler for research. But he had known that time was of the essence. The Klingons had threatened to kill the colonists' children if their demands for obedience weren't met.

This group had looked stupid enough to actually do it, even though in all likelihood, it would have caused a riot. Hell, they had been stupid enough to run at the first sign of trouble.

So Spock skipped the research and simply had the colonists walk among the Klingons with the tribbles in their arms. It didn't take long for the Klingons to beg to be released from the room we had trapped them in. Of course, we made them swear to release the children and leave the planet as quickly as possible. If they didn't comply, we were going to fill their ship with the things.

Although he wouldn't admit it in public, Admiral Pike was secretly pleased by our solution (once the drefs were sent to Jrain), because it kept the Klingons away from the colony's jevonite mines for awhile. At least until they figured out how to control their repulsion to cute things.

So in the end, we got a slap on the wrist and were sent on our way.

That night, I took Bones and Spock to my favorite bar in the city to celebrate Spock's first official reprimand (I never recorded his first transgression, the one where he nearly killed me. The guy had been in mourning. And I had deliberately provoked him. I never figured out which one of us should get the stain on his record, so I let it go.)

Once we sat at a table, Bones and I started recounting our misdeeds, including the one that got me onto the Enterprise in the first place (Bones was given the 'evil eyebrow' during that story). Then we made a fuss about how even Spock's misdeeds were logical, as he saved a whole colony by screwing up.

My first officer, however, came back with a rebuttal neither of us expected.

"I may have another reprimand on my record rather soon." He said quietly as he sipped his tea.

"Oh? For what?" Bones looked at our friend curiously.

"Harrassment." Spock gazed across the room to avoid looking at us.

"Huh? Who are you going to harrass, and why, for Pete's sake?" The doctor's expression turned to one of shock. I, on the other hand, had used something similar as a pick-up line a few times. So, I thought Spock might be experimenting with humor. Then I realized his expression was completely wrong for telling a joke. He looked worried and oddly, somewhat nervous.

His expression made me think of a teenage boy trying to get his first crush to go out with him.

Now, I hadn't forgotten my best friend's proclamation that Spock was interested in me, but I still hadn't seen that hungry look he had claimed was there every time my back was turned.

So I decided to test McCoy's theory.

"It's only harrassment if the other person isn't willing. And I'm *very* willing." I gave Spock my best smoldering look.

To my shock, Spock expression changed swiftly, then changed back just as fast. But within that second, I saw it.

Spock's eyes focused on me, trapping my gaze like a web. In them, I saw hunger. Intense hunger.

I almost reached across the table and dragged him to me for a kiss. His expression was that intense.

Instead, I decided to make my interest known in a way that wouldn't startle him. I nodded to him, in acknowledgement of his feelings and an affirmation of what I said a minute before. I might have been joking then, but I wasn't now.

Spock nodded back.

I let out the breath I had been holding. With that simple move, he just told me that we'd be meeting a little later for chess...and something more.

I really hadn't been paying attention to Bones during our exchange, but I must have turned to him at some point, because as I came back to the present, the memory of his sad look made me want to go find him and demand to know what was wrong.

As I thought about it, I realized it wasn't the last time I saw that look. He had that expression a lot when he saw Spock and me together during the evenings.

So Spock's conclusion wasn't completely off-base. But couldn't that look be the result of simple jealousy?

The man was divorced. He had gotten used to having a wife and kid. What if seeing us together just made him remember what he lost?

"He's just lonely, love." Now I could see why Spock was making such a fuss. Bones had confused him. He had reacted to our friend's pain, but he hadn't been able to figure out what caused it. So he had come up with a wild theory.

I couldn't fault him for that.

In fact, I loved him for the compassion he showed others. However, he couldn't help McCoy with that crazy idea running around his head.

But before I could correct it, Spock held me against the tree and covered my mouth. 'Silence, Jim,' he said into the bond. 'I will show you proof.'

While we had been screaming at each other, Spock had slowly backed me into a copse of trees so we could not be seem by anyone near Sarek's house. But we could see anyone in front of the house by looking between the leaves.

As Spock directed my gaze in that direction, I saw Bones walking towards the dwelling, looking rather despondent.

Again, I felt the need to go to him, to soothe whatever ache caused his sorrow.

But before I could do more than realize how frightening that thought was, Spock continued.

'To my knowledge, this is the third time Leonard has gone off alone to keep a vigil for us. The first time was after we argued about joining our cabins. When I left to go back to my experiments, I found him outside your door, complaining about out penchant to argue about 'inconsequential things'. Oddly, he did not see me. However, after some reflection, I came to the conclusion that his lack of observation was due to his preoccupation.

'Because I found his words unexpectedly accurate, after our fight about the bonding ceremony, I deliberately looked for him. I did not expect him to be within the vicinity, but I quickly discovered I had erred in my prediction. I found him in the recreation room next to the conference room in which we had held the conversation. Again, he was muttering about the topic of our argument.'

I stared at my bondmate in disbelief. 'How could he even have known we were fighting?! We don't do it in public. It would be bad for command. And how did he get here? I know Sarek made sure everyone stayed away from the front of the house once we started yelling.' I had heard him shoo everyone to a neighboring building on some weak pretense.

Staring at my best friend, I ended up answering my own question. 'Bones must have snuck away from him to find us.'

'He knows our approximate location. I believe he stays nearby in an attempt to protect you in some way,' Spock insisted. 'He will not leave, except for a patient, until our disagreement has ended.'

To test this idea, I said to Spock, only through the bond, but quite sincerely, 'Then I forgive you.'

With that, Bones let out a rush of air, as if he had been holding his breath. After a minute to let the stress leave his body, he stood up and stretched with a small smile on his face.

I stood up to go to him, but Spock held me back. 'He does not know that I am aware of his vigil.'

I watched silently as Bones went into Sarek's house. Then I asked, in an angry tone, "How does he know what's happening between us?"

"Jim..." Spock whispered placatingly. "He has had a link with you since before we met."

I stared at Spock. That wasn't possible. Neither of us were psychic!

\----------  
end part 2  
\----------

When he heard my thought, Spock inclined his head, acknowledging the logic of my argument. But then the bastard ruined it by contradicting me. "Leonard appears to have some psy abilities, although he is not aware of them."

I glared at Spock, for both telling me I'm wrong yet again and for having information about my best friend that I didn't.

Of course, my bondmate couldn't leave it at that. He had to give me an explanation.

I rolled my eyes as he began, but I quickly leaned forward to listen. He was talking about Bones, after all.

"The day after I saw Leonard outside our quarters holding his first vigil, I overheard him speaking with Nyota in the mess hall. They were speaking of elder relatives. Nyota mentioned her grandmother's tendency to be nearby when people needed her, even when she was supposed to be as much as a continent away. This prompted the doctor to speak of his 'Cajun Grams', who could predict tragedy before it happened. Leonard claimed that she was completely accurate, to his knowledge, although she could not predict every tragedy within the family.

"His story prompted me to look up his medical scans. Although it is true that the vast majority of humans are psy null, there are a few who have some abilities. As you have been certified psy null by numerous experts, but McCoy has been shown to be slightly above null in certain instances, I am left to conclude that he initiated the link between you."

Then Spock gave me an encouraging look. "Although he is not aware of its existence, without the link, Leonard would be bereft. I would ask you to attempt to discover the link's purpose. When you discover the answer, I believe then you will understand why the bond has split into three."

He stood up and with a warm look, bowed to me. "Do not doubt my affection for you, t'hy'la. I love thee above all others. But your affection is divided, in a way neither of us realized. I am giving you permission to..." He paused. "I am entreating you. Please find a way to explore this link you have with Leonard McCoy. Use any mental or physical method you deem necessary to understand the emotions between you."

Did he just say what I thought he did?! I nearly choked on the words as I asked, "You...you want me to cheat on you?!"

Spock sighed as he caressed my cheek with a finger. "It is not 'cheating' if I approve of it. In this instant, I believe holding you to a vow of fidelity to only myself would damage all of us. You will be unable to discover the truth if I hold you to the standards of a two-person bond."

I shook my head. This was insane. My mind was screaming he was wrong. But my heart was silent. What if it was silent because it knew that he was right?

I decided then that I'd humor him, on the off-chance that there was something to what he was saying. But I did have one problem. "Ok, let's say you're right. Where the hell would you like me to start? I can't just go up to Bones and ask him if he's in love with me. He'll deny it, even if it's true. I'm a married man, and he knows the rules of that hallowed institution better than any of us."

Spock nodded and we shared a look of sympathy for our friend. He had gotten the short end of the stick in his marriage from the very beginning. From what I could tell, Jocelyn McCoy was a total bitch.

"Observe him observing you," my husband said in answer to my question. Then he trailed two fingers over my hand before leaving me to my thoughts.

I sat down again as I tried to think. How the hell had my wedding celebration turned into the moment my whole life tilted on its axis?

Then there was the crux of the matter. Was my best friend in love with me? If so, why was Spock so accepting of it?

I knew I couldn't answer the second question if I didn't find the answer to the first.

Spock was right. I needed to watch Bones. People in lust or love give themselves away rather easily when they think nobody's watching them. I should know. Before I fell in love myself, I exploited those feelings in others.

Although I didn't really want to treat Bones like a conquest, I knew using my old pick-up skills was the best way to get answers. So I spent a few minutes formulating a plan, then went to join my husband at the reception inside Sarek's house.

As I expected, all of our friends laughed and teased me when I came back to the party. They all figured Spock and I had gone off to have some time alone.

All of them, that is, except one...

At first I couldn't find Bones. But I didn't stop looking until I found him in the corner, sitting alone. To a casual eye, he looked perfectly content to sip at his brandy and watch the rest of us come and go and make a ruckus. But I was his best friend. I could see the lines of tension on his forehead and the slight downturn of his lips. All was not well with our good doctor.

As much as I wanted to go to him and ease his pain, I didn't. I stuck to my plan and watched him from the corner of my eye. I watched him as I sat with Spock. I watched him as I got pulled into an argument between Scotty and Chekov about warp coils. I watched him as Uhura grabbed me for a dance, saying I was safe now because I was married.

Bones' eyes followed me the whole time. Through the conversations and through the dance, his gaze never wavered from me. Even when Admiral Tucker, one of the first humans in a three-way bond, crashed the party and went up to Spock to congratulate him, Bones' eyes didn't even get close to Spock until I walked over there to rescue him from Tucker's 'advice on how to handle a human'.

And Len's expression...God, it said everything I needed, but didn't want, to hear.

When you date a lot of people like I did in the Academy (okay, a good portion of them were dates only if you had a really vivid imagination), you learn how to read people's faces.

I've had lust and infatuation directed towards me many times. Hell, I've even seen those love-hate looks, the ones people have when they don't want to be with you, but they just can't help themselves.

But the look on Bones' face, the naked longing, the need, and the hints of despair... I've only had those directed towards me by one other being.

My husband.

God, if I had only known...I'd have...

Screwed up my life even worse than it was at the moment.

I admit it. Faced with two people, I usually try to go after them both. Apparently, Spock would have accepted that move as necessary. But Bones...if I just came out and told Bones I wanted to sleep with both of them, he would have took one look at me and Spock together, then walked out of my life.

Jocelyn shared herself with many others because apparently our good doctor hadn't been around enough for her liking...or because she was a total bitch.

As I said before, I'm a firm believer in the second conclusion.

So Bones would see me in the same light as his ex-wife and I would be short one best friend.

I wanted to avoid that at all cost. Bones was the reason I was on this ship. He was one of the reasons I was captain.

Hell, he was the reason I was still alive and kicking. Spock was definitely good at rescuing my ass, but even he couldn't prevent getting us injured in the process.

That was where my human best friend came in.

Leonard McCoy patched me up when I ran headlong into the dangers that were best saved for my security officers or my much-stronger first officer.

But I couldn't let them have all the fun, now, could I?

Bones mended my broken limbs, treated the alien viruses I caught, and made sure my heart was still beating in my chest.

But that's not what I would miss if he was gone.

It was the other medicine he doled out that really kept me going. The advice, the slaps on the back, the words of encouragement.

The ear he leant me.

As a Captain who had been a lieutenant for all of five minutes and a commander for none, I didn't really have the luxury of making the mistakes most young officers do. A captain's mistakes often get people killed.

So I often turned to McCoy before I made final decisions. I found that his patience and advice while listening to me work out problems were the most valuable things he could give me.

And he did it, not because I was his superior officer, but because he liked me and thought I was worth it.

Because I had so much at stake, I decided I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about his feelings now. I would just go to him and be a friend. But I would continue to watch him as I did.

So with a small squeeze to Spock's hand, I sauntered over to my silent best friend. "Hey, aren't you enjoying yourself?" I crossed my arms and looked offended by his wallflower act.

Bones rolled his eyes. "It's your party, not mine. You're the one who is supposed to be having fun."

"But I don't have as much fun if you're not enjoying yourself." I sat down next to him and took a sip of my beer. "So what's bugging you?"

"Nothing." Bones said sourly. When I raised my eyebrow in an imitation of Spock, he grumbled and gave up his bad attempt at hiding, but he still wouldn't tell me what I wanted to know. "It's not something you should be worrying about right now."

"I won't try to force it out of you. Not today. But at least come and join everyone else. It's not a party without you." I moved to stand up, tugging at his shirt at the same time.

"Okay, okay!" Bones groused as he followed me. We walked back to where Spock and the rest of the command crew were talking together.

I smiled as I took my place by Spock's side and found that, oddly, Bones seemed to regain some of his good cheer while he was with all of us.

And he stopped staring.

That confused the hell out of me. If Spock was right, shouldn't Bones have continued his yearning for me?

I asked my husband his opinion of what happened that night in our joined cabin.

"He is your friend. By his estimation, your happiness means more than his own. Therefore, when he joined the group, he completely hid his desire for you," Spock explained to me quietly.

I raised my head from taking off my boots. "Why would he do that?!"

"Because you are the center of his universe. If he shows the depth of his affection for you, he risks losing you. He will do all he can to avoid that."

"Huh?" I toed off the boots and turned to sit cross-legged on the bed. Spock joined me and took my hands in his own.

Then he continued. "When we all became official members of this crew, I made sure to check on each person's previous records. Your file was as I expected. It showed that you were brilliant, competent, with the tendency towards unconventional thinking. McCoy's record coincided with yours rather well. He is also brilliant, with a tenacity in solving problems that complemented yours. But I did find an unexpected abberation. His training efficiency tended to fall off periodically, then recovered just as quickly. At first, I could not figure out why. So I did further research."

Of course, the point of Spock telling me this story was that I caused Len's problems. But how? I almost was afraid to ask, but I needed to know the answer. "What did I do?"

"You left." Spock said, soothing me with a hand on my cheek as he heard my first frantic thoughts. "No, he did not have difficulty when you went off with others romantically. It was the training missions that preoccupied him. He feared for you, and he was, as humans say, lost without you."

I turned so I could lean my head on Spock's shoulder. This was a lot to take in, and it was making my head spin. So, I took the support he offered. But I couldn't stop myself from asking, "He needs me that badly?"

"Yes, t'hy'la. The bond would not have branched out if his feelings were not strong."

I sighed. I had caused Bones more grief than I had known. And now it would get worse because his feelings somehow created a branch in the bond that I wasn't sure I wanted.

Hearing my thoughts, Spock gently put some space between us. "Jim, you need further study of the situation we are in. You are still in denial, even though you have acknowledged Leonard's want of you."

"What do you mean?" I accepted that Bones was in love with me. Wasn't that what Spock needed?!

He sighed and shook his head. "The branch would not have formed if his feelings were not returned."

\----------  
end part 3  
\----------

I had ignored that part of Spock's explanation up until now.

Why? Because I didn't feel like I was in love with Bones. Truthfully, I wasn't sure I wanted to be.

Not that Bones wasn't a great guy. He was. But being in love with two wonderful beings, and not being able to commit completely to either one...Didn't that mean there was something wrong with me? It certainly made me feel like the scum of the galaxy.

The only thing that was keeping me sane at the moment was the fact that Spock didn't see it that way. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt as he tried to get me to see what had happened. But in the back of my mind, I was worried that I had betrayed my vow to him.

Spock shook his head in response to my unspoken question. "I do not blame you for the circumstances we now find ourselves in. This situation would have been easier for all of us if I was aware of the possibility of Y'Eros before our bonding. However, I now realize that you both have hidden your feelings for each other quite deeply within your minds."

I sighed. "How can you just accept all of this when the bond is failing?" I could now feel it, and it scared the hell out of me. The strong connection between us was starting to fray at the edges, as if it was not strong enough to support itself alone. It needed a bolster.

I ran my fingers through my hair in agitation. "If you're right, the only way to fix that is to convince the other man I love to join us."

Luckily, the bond had not weakened to the point where Spock couldn't send me comforting nonsense through it. "It is what you need," he said softly. "As your mate, it is my responsibility to make sure you receive what you need."

"This goes a bit beyond love and honor, Spock. Where I come from, discovering your spouse loves another would be grounds for divorce."

"Vulcans do not divorce." My bondmate reached for my hand, trying to stave off my distress. "Nor does your need for Y'Eros change the affection I have for you."

I started to raise my voice as his signals in the bond forced me to face the part of this situation that bothered me the most. "But I don't even know if I love him! I don't feel any differently about him than I have for the past four years."

"Then perhaps you have been in love with him the entire time." Spock echoed my own thoughts, but he did it so calmly that I wanted to slap him.

"And that doesn't bother you?!"

His logical commentary continued, unperturbed by my outburst. "You have been necessary to his existence for the past four years. I understand his position, as in the last year, I have also found myself in need of you. For the welfare of all involved, the most logical solution to the impasse we now find ourselves would be for me to share you with him."

"But now you're asking me to be intimate with him. I chose you for that, and I intended to restrict myself to you. Why would you want me to share myself with him?" I ached to ask if he loved Bones. If, behind all that animosity they displayed for the command crew's benefit, there lurked feelings none of us knew about. That might be the reason he was so calm about all this.

But I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer. I knew I'd be jealous as hell if he said yes, even if I *was* in love with both Spock and Bones. Knowing Spock wanted another would make me feel inadequate. I hated that feeling. When I got the Enterprise, I was sure I had left it behind in Iowa with Frank.

But here it was again. I already felt like pond scum because I apparently couldn't keep from screwing up two of the best relationships I've ever had. I didn't want to dig myself in any deeper by asking my bondmate how he felt about my best friend.

"T'hy'la, cease your self-castigation." Spock nearly snapped at me. "As of yet, I have not analyzed my feelings concerning the doctor. But your hesitation to examine your own emotions is causing us harm. As you have discovered, the bond is beginning to fracture."

He sighed, giving me the look he usually reserved for the times I annoyed him by not paying attention to the long monologue he was reciting. "If you do as I ask and explore those feelings with him, it may do more than save the bond. We also might be able to give Leonard something he has been missing."

"So now you just want me to march over to Bones' quarters and have sex with him so I can figure out if I love him?!" I yelled in his face, surprising myself with the force of my anger. I backed up, trying to calm down. Giving in to my feelings of inadequacy wouldn't help any of us.

But my outburst had already provoked Spock. I could see rage starting to flash in his eyes.

"It would be preferrable to watching you illogically convince yourself that the branch within the bond will go away." Spock glared at me.

Bristling from his implied insult, I stood up and glared back. "Okay, if that's what you want, I'll do it. But don't blame me when he throws me right back out the door."

Spock shook his head as he visably calmed himself. "If he does, you have not given your task adequate effort. You can be most persuasive when you are, as the others say, 'on the prowl'."

"How would you know?" I growled at him. "I've never seduced you! You were the one on the prowl that night!"

It had been that same night we ribbed Spock about his reprimand. The night I saw his *look* for the first time.

I had known when I saw it that I wouldn't be sleeping alone.

I was right.

Of course, Bones knew what was going on the moment he saw Spock's expression. I noticed his smug grin when I turned my head so I wouldn't jump my first officer right there in the bar.

As for the hint of sadness in his face, well, I put that down to the good doctor being alone too long.

Although Spock's nonverbal confession left me heated, when we finally returned to the ship...I found myself uncharacteristically nervous.

For this time, I wasn't heading back to my room at the Academy with the girl of the day.

I wasn't holding hands with a significant other who would be gone in two weeks.

I was walking back to my quarters with Spock, the man I wanted to be with for the forseeable future. And that made all the difference in the universe. For once, I wanted this to be right for both of us, and not just satisfy whatever whim had struck me five minutes before.

So when we got to my door, I hesitated.

"I--uh. Are you sure about this?" I smiled weakly.

I breathed a sigh of relief when Spock nodded.

But I was shocked out of my mind when, as I turned to open the door with a finger scan, he laid a hand on the small of back.

That simple touch made me shiver. It made me hard in an instant.

So I wasn't exactly composed when I stumbled into my cabin. And it got worse as Spock followed behind me. His calm, collected gaze sent me back against a wall.

He stalked me, his gaze heating as he did. That look was back.

As soon as I saw the fire in his eyes, I was caught. Usually, I was the one controlling all the shots. But he took it out of my hands without one word.

When he touched me for a second time, laying a hand over my rapidly beating heart, I moaned. When he kissed me, slow and deep like he did with Uhura in the transporter room, I was lost.

But unlike when he bestowed it on her, there was nothing comforting about the kiss, nothing that said anything like 'I will come back to you'.

No, this kiss said 'You are mine'.

And I was, that night and every night after...until this one, when I was considering going to another for the sake of our relationship.

As my anger died, Spock's eyes turned gentle. He could see how much conflict was within me. But he was insistent. "You must seduce him, t'hy'la. You must bring your attraction to him to your consciousness."

"But I don't feel it, Spock. I don't get all hot and bothered when he walks past me. Not like I do when I watch you."

"Because you have hidden it. You did not believe you could have both of us, so you hid your attraction to Leonard when you decided I was worth pursuing." Spock coaxed me to trust him with his calm face, that despite his training, still showed his love for me.

"Okay, Mr. Know-It-All. Why didn't I pursue him before I met you? I've known him for three years longer than I've known you." I crossed my arms, annoyed by the way Spock seemed to know more about what was in my head than I did.

"Because you did not want to cause him pain." Spock stood up and pulled me into his arms.

Sighing, I laid my head on his shoulder again as I realized he was right. I would have hidden any attraction I felt for Bones because I would have scared him off.

Len hadn't been ready to consider dating when I met him on that transport in Iowa. The divorce had only become official the week before.

Hell, he had barely been capable of maintaining a friendship at first. He had been that emotionally torn apart by his ex.

But he so badly needed a friend that I ignored that little problem. I just chased after him until he couldn't ignore me. I made sure I was everywhere he looked. I listened to every word he uttered so I knew what I needed to do to help him. And I offered that help before he asked, because initially, he wouldn't.

I raised my head in shock--I seduced Bones into a friendship!

Spock nodded as he agreed with what he was hearing through the bond. "From what I can see of your memories, he did not attempt to resist. Nor do I believe he will resist now."

"And you really think by seducing him, I'll see my feelings for him?" I raised an eyebrow, still skeptical of this plan.

"I do," Spock said confidently.

I sighed. "Then I'm going to trust you on this. You've been right so far and I really need to get to the bottom of this Y'Eros thing. But if this doesn't work, *you* are helping me clean up the mess with Bones."

"Of course. I do not wish your friendship with him to be injured."

Knowing I had to do this before I lost the courage, I straightened a lock of his hair that had fallen out of place, and sent a whisper of a caress through the bond.

Then I left our quarters and headed for McCoy's. I was just as nervous as that first night with Spock. But this time, I knew I had to take the lead.

But my best friend didn't make it easy for me. And my confusion about my own feelings didn't help.

When Bones opened the door seconds after I hit the buzzer, all I could do was stare at him. I just stared. I watched him move, I watched him smile a greeting to me.

I saw him look at me, puzzled, as I I finally was able to order my body to walk into the room. But even then, I continued to stare at him.

Finally, though, my mind accepted my fate.

As soon as my body was free of my mind's restraint, I stepped up to Bones, grabbed his shoulders, and kissed him.

And though he tried to push me away, I wouldn't let him. I restrained him in my arms and continued to kiss him. And I used every trick I knew until I had him leaning against me and moaning.

When I heard that sound leave Len's lips, I found that Spock was right about one thing. As I stared into my best friend's startled eyes, I was harder than I had ever been before.

\----------  
end part 4  
\----------

It didn't take long before Bones' shock turned to anger.

There was nobody to blame but myself. I should have been expecting it. My best friend regarded infidelity as an unforgivable crime.

Given his history, none of us blamed him. But that didn't help me deal with him now.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Bones barked the minute sense came back into his head. He backed away hurriedly, until he hit the wall. I could see the anger and confusion cross his face in quick succession.

As he scrambled to get away from me, I sighed and put my head in my hands. I had been too wrapped up in trying to help the failing bond to think this through properly. I had forgotten to consider how Bones was going to take this.

If I had taken a moment, I would have realized that sex was not the way to get through to McCoy. But the damage was done with just one kiss, so the best thing I could do now was explain myself.

When I looked up from my contemplation, Bones was glaring at me suspiciously. "Why? For God's sake, why?!"

Not knowing what else to say, I told him the truth. "Because Spock asked me to."

He wasn't expecting that. I watched as he stumbled a little in shock, but didn't move to help him. I didn't think I could take it if he refused my assistance.

"What?!" He exclaimed when he was finally able to sit on the bed.

"Spock asked me to come here to figure out if I was in love with you." I waited for a minute, then decided to leave before I made matters worse. I figured that once he calmed down, I could try this a different way.

But before I could do more than approach the door, he stopped me with a whisper.

"I thought you loved Spock." His voice was quiet, questioning. I didn't hear anymore anger in his voice, but there was plenty of confusion. That made two of us.

At least I could clear up his confusion, even though I didn't dare do anything about mine at the moment. So I turned back to him, hoping the sincerity I felt showed on my face. "I do. More than I thought I could love anyone."

"Then why did he send you here?"

I ran my fingers through my hair. "It's...not easy to explain. According to Spock, we need you. The bond between us is breaking."

Bones must have heard the fear and sadness in my voice, because he immediately stood up. "Then let me get my medkit. I don't know much about bonds, but maybe..."

"No. Bones, no." I warded him off as he came over to me and ran a scanner over me. "It's not like that."

He paused to glare at me. "Then what do you want?"

I did my best to appear sincere when I said, "We need you to be part of the bond." I held my breath, hoping he would put his convictions aside and at least be willing to discuss the situation with me.

I wasn't that lucky.

"What?!" Bones exclaimed.

I was at a loss as to how to get through to him, so I just repeated, "We need you to join us in the bond. It's not strong enough with just the two of us supporting it."

Bones looked at me incredulously, then shook his head. "No!"

"But--" I tried to protest.

"I am not encroaching on anyone's marriage. No. I don't care if I'm just with you mentally. I don't belong there." Bones started pacing agitatedly.

I didn't have the nerve to tell him that Spock requested more than just a mental connection. I was afraid I'd be fighting another crewmember for my life for the second time in a year if I did.

So I just watched as McCoy convinced himself that I was just suffering too much to think straight. "We'll find you a Vulcan healer...somehow."

"The healer won't be enough, Bones. Spock said we need another person. And it has to be you." I wanted to pace, but he wouldn't let me. He stepped in my way.

"I won't do it, Jim." Bones growled as he grabbed my arm and led me to the door. "Tell Spock to find a better solution."

I considered trying to seduce him again, but this time my best friend caught the glint in my eyes.

"Uh-uh. Keep your hands to yourself, loverboy. Or better yet, put them back on Spock. Your wiles don't work on me. I've seen it all, remember?"

"But..." I protested as he opened the door.

"No, Jim." My best friend shoved me out of his cabin and into the hallway.

For a few minutes, all I could do was stare at his door in shock. Damn, that was not how my great seduction was supposed to go.

But I couldn't blame Bones. I had known for years about the damage his ex had inflicted on him. He had told me all about his messed up marriage about a month after we had settled into the Academy.

"Jocelyn used me," he told me after I asked him one day why he wouldn't go after any of the cadets, or even the instructors, who were sending suggestive looks his way. "She married me, then used my career as a reason to chase anyone who caught her eye. She seduced them while I was treating patients."

He sighed and told me the worst part. "Then she'd fake being the dutiful wife when I was home. All the while, my credit accounts were being drained dry to feed her sex habit. Hell, I even felt bad for the other guys when I found out what a sham my marriage was. From her money trail, I could tell that she went from one to the other like they were disposable."

I flushed as he said this. He was basically describing how I handled every cadet I hooked up with.

Bones shook his head and laid a comforting hand on my shoulder. "You might use some underhanded tactics to get people's attention, but once you have it, you make it clear exactly what you are offering. Jocelyn played us all for fools. She faked love on both sides, mine and theirs."

I gave my friend a sympathetic look, but thought his abstinence was even more foolish given the circumstances. "Well then, I think that would give you an excuse to get some mindless sex. Nobody will claim to love you. Hell, they won't even call you back if you don't want them to."

It was too early in our relationship for me to realize that I had said exactly the wrong thing. So I was as shocked as hell when Bones flew into a rage. "How could you even think that--No! I won't use anyone like she used me." His face turned red and for a moment, it looked like I was going to get decked.

So I backed away slowly, not even bothering to remind him that he was talking to the Academy's 'stud'. Who was I to stop him if he wanted to hold himself to a higher standard?

Luckily, Bones came back to himself quickly after he saw my reaction. "Sorry. I--She got under my skin when I found out what she had done. So I promised myself that nobody would suffer the way I did if I could prevent it."

I nodded placatingly. I could tell from his tense expression that there was no way I was going to convince him otherwise. So I lowered my voice and said, "It's ok. Forget I said anything."

Bones sighed. "I'll be okay by myself. I think it's best for everyone if I don't try to handle romantic entanglements."

At the time, I agreed with him. He wasn't ready for love that soon after his divorce. But now, confronted by the bond's needs and Spock's assertions, I found myself rather irritated by my friend's continued stonewalling.

So I walked back to my cabin in frustration. My irritation grew when I realized that Spock wasn't there. On the table by the door was a note indicating that he was staying in the labs for the night because he expected me to be with Bones until morning. He had even shielded his side of the bond to give us privacy.

I didn't have the heart to tell him all his preparations were in vain.

So, I was left with nothing to do but paperwork. Since I didn't want my personal problems coming out in my mission reports, I decided to forgo it and climb straight into bed. But it soon became apparent that my mind wasn't going to let me rest. I tossed and turned until Spock, realizing something didn't feel right, checked the bond and returned to our quarters.

Not wanting to talk, I didn't move until Spock came to bed. But the minute he did, I curled into him.

Part of me wanted to rail at Spock for putting me into that stupid situation. But I knew it wasn't his fault. He logically chose a method that was usually an effective way for me to get closer to people. Unfortunately, he didn't have enough data on McCoy. Seduction was perfectly right for me, but horribly wrong for Bones.

So I instead of berating Spock, I clutched at him and reminded myself that seduction wasn't the only option. Tomorrow, I would find a better way to convince Bones that we needed him.

Because that need was becoming more desperate. The bond was fading fast. I could feel it dying as I lay in Spock's arms. At the rate it was failing, Spock estimated that it would be gone in less than a week.

So two days later, I cornered Bones again when I found him in an empty rec room. But this time I tried a more rational approach.

"Have you thought any more about our problem?" I asked him softly as I came over to where he was sitting. "We both would really like you to consider joining the bond."

Bones looked up from his PADD. "Jim, I can't. Even if you both think you want it now, I will most likely get in between you at some point. That would go against everything I believe. You know that I promised myself I wouldn't ruin anyone's marriage the way mine was."

"It won't, I promise. We *need* you." I sounded desperate. Hell, I felt desperate. My marriage with Spock was on the rocks...because Leonard McCoy wasn't in it.

So I pushed my luck. "We really need you, Bones! The bond could fall apart without you." I didn't mention the part about Spock believing I was in love with the doctor. I figured it was best to approach this as a friend needing help, not as someone who couldn't make up his mind whom to love.

As it was, I wasn't really feeling that love for Bones as he glared at me.

In fact, as he started rattling off how this 'mental affair' I was planning would ruin the best relationship I ever had, I started to really hate the son of a bitch.

He just kept rambling on. He just kept coming back to how wrong it was, how immoral. And, of course, how it would hurt Spock.

I would have left him again, but before I could, I gasped in pain. For a second, the bond I had with Spock winked out of existence. It came back, but when it did, it was much weaker. So much weaker that I didn't think it would last the day.

So I panicked and lashed out at Bones.

"Why are you being so damned selfish?! I come to you for help and this is what you do to me? What kind of friend are you?!"

I didn't even let him get a word out before I compounded my stupidity. "Did you ever think that you might have gotten what you deserved when Jocelyn saw all those other guys?! Someone so involved in himself couldn't possible give enough to keep a spouse happy! Plus, you're a prude. A fucking prude! Hell, I bet you only slept with your wife once."

Bones hid his hurt feelings behind a shield of anger. "That's none of your business!"

Unmoved, I glared at my best friend. "It is my business when you link your mind with mine!"

"What are you talking about?! I'm not psychic!" The confusion on his face was obvious, but I was on too much of a roll to pay attention to it.

I scoffed, forgetting that he didn't know about the link's existence. "You invaded my mind. You spied on me and Spock! Hell, I bet you even listened in while we had sex!"

Then I went in for the final blow. "That was what you wanted all along, wasn't it?! You made friends with me so you could create the link, then use it to get your rocks off. But now, when I really need you, you blow me off because you were never really my friend in the first place!"

The minute, no, the second the words came out of my mouth, I gasped in horror. What the hell did I just say?!

In my anger, I had verbally slapped him in the face. I had accused him of faking affection to get what he wanted. Just like his ex-wife.

I could see the pain my words had caused plainly on his face. And that pain was driving deeper into him by the second. So I tried to take it back.

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." I sighed, holding out my hands, pleading for forgiveness. "It just--the bond--" Damn, everything I could say sounded fake, so I just settled for "I shouldn't have said that."

"You're damn right!" Bones hurled at me as he stood with fists clenched. But rather than hit me, he stomped past me and out the door of the rec room.

As I watched him leave, I knew I had completely blown whatever chance I had of getting Len to join the bond. But I didn't know how badly I had ruined the rest of my life until Spock greeted me at our door with a crestfallen expression.

"What happened?" I asked, fear making my voice come out hoarsely. I knew if Spock looked like that, the news was *bad*.

Spock didn't say a word. He just handed me a datapad.

On it was a transfer request from Dr. Leonard H. McCoy.

"Oh, no." I said softly, looking up into my bondmate's face. As I did, the bond faded further. So did that link that joined me to my human best friend. Ironically, I didn't feel that connection until it slipped away.

I let out a moan as I stumbled into Spock's arms. Bones was gone. Or would be soon.

If I didn't grant his request, he'd go straight to Komack. And we all knew Komack hated me.

Tears came to my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall. I didn't deserve to let them fall.

For I had done this to us. I had ruined everything.

But the most painful part was that I had run my stake through Len's heart seconds before my mind found the reason for the third branch in the bond.

I had been in love with Leonard McCoy since the day we met.

 


End file.
